i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
