I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Randomize
