DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
