how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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