a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
