I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
