it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
