she woke up with a sticky ear
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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