why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
