I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
she woke up with a sticky ear
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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