I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize