I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
