I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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