i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
