I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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