i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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