I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize