3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I cockslap morals
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
