The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
