remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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