Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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