you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
