He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Randomize
