Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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