no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
