She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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