I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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