Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
