if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
