Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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