watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
