I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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