We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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