I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
