i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
