Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
