I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
