I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
