It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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