please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
