Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
