nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
