I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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