he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
