i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
