My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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