am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i wish my penis had a tongue
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
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