great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I could make wine with my vomit
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
