i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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