i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
