Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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