I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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