I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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