Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
