Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
