i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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