Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
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