I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
