Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
