at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
