mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize