piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
