I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
