So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
