3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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