6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
