Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
